Colleen Orchanian

I have many friends and relatives who are caring for elderly parents or sick spouses. That kind of caregiving is very draining, both physically and emotionally. It requires the best of us when we're exhausted, which is tough. I am not at my best when I'm tired. Self-care is the key – taking care of our body, mind, and soul so that we can care for those we love when the demand is great.

You might think that self-care is selfish, but it's not. Jesus taught that we should love others as we love ourselves. When we don't love and care for ourselves, it's hard to love others well. Here's what can happen – and has happened to me:

• I get angry or resentful. That anger can be directed at the person who is sick, someone else who should be helping out, or even God who allowed the situation.

• I get weepy and depressed. My emotions are out of control. I might snap at others.

• My physical health suffers: blood pressure increases, I'm exhausted, and I have a weakened immune system. My body is reacting and it's difficult to be a caretaker when I'm sick myself.

• I am afraid. What if they die? What if I make a mistake with their care? What if I get sick and can't take care of them? What if this lasts longer than expected? How will we pay the bills when both of us are sick?

All of these reactions are normal, and still, we can feel guilty, which leads to self-criticism and hatred. This is bad stuff – all of it is a spiritual attack to pull us away from God. That's why self-care is so important.

Self-care allows us to love God with all of our strength and to serve with joy and patience those He puts in our lives. If I'm not taking care of myself, I am not much good to others.

We care for ourselves in three areas: Body, Mind, and Soul.

BODY

Self-care means getting enough sleep, eating right, and regular exercise. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, which is why we should take good care of them. Under normal circumstances, we might be able to do this well. When the unexpected happens, it is more difficult. If your husband is in the hospital, you are sleeping in his room and don't get much rest. You don't eat well, and your exercise routine is gone. Self-care for our body is often the first thing to go when life gets crazy.

MIND

Our mind suffers when our body is weak. We tend toward negative self-talk, believing the lies of the enemy about ourselves and others. It's helpful to take captive those thoughts and reject the lies. You can counter negativity by bringing beauty into your life. Maggie loves getting her nails done. My sister, Theresa, gets fresh flowers for her house every week. Any time we bring beauty into our lives, we are caring for our minds.

Friendships are a form of self-care for the mind. We need someone who will listen without judgment, encourage us when we're stressed, and let us yell or cry. On a recent family call, one of my sisters said that she almost didn't join because she'd had a bad week and didn't want to bring it to the call. She joined anyway and was able to share her frustrations. It was a way of self-care, allowing us – her sisters – to love her in the struggle.

We can care for our minds by having alone time. Maybe that's reading or gardening for you. My husband and I like to ride motorcycles. Although we do it together, it's still alone time for me because riding is quiet time. If you're a busy mom with littles at home, your only alone time may be in the bathroom. Take time wherever and however you can get it.

SOUL

The soul is the most important place to practice self-care. What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul? How do we care for our souls? Here are 4 ways:

1. Pray. Rest with God every day. Dedicate time to lift your heart and mind to Him.

2. Go to church. If you're Catholic, take advantage of the sacraments. They are gifts from Jesus to nourish us on this journey.

3. Seek spiritual growth. Join a Bible study, go on retreat, get a spiritual director. Do something specific to make progress in the spiritual life.

4. Seek healing for the wounds that block your relationship with God. We all have some brokenness. It affects our relationships here on earth, but also with God. Go to a healing Mass or healing retreat. God is the Divine Healer. Invite Him into your heart.

Maybe you're in one of those seasons when life has thrown a curve. You're caring for a sick spouse or parent and fear you're getting close to your breaking point. This is not the time to stop self-care. Call a trusted friend and tell them what's going on. It's not a burden to them. They love you. Step out of the hospital room and go to the chapel for 15 minutes. It's quiet. You don't have to say anything to God. Just sit quietly and know that He is there with you.

Satan wants you to feel guilty for taking these moments to care for yourself. He suggests thoughts like, You're a terrible wife for thinking that. Or a terrible daughter after all your father did for you growing up. Or you're just being selfish. You shouldn't need a break. You should be able to do it all. What's wrong with you?

Does any of that sound familiar? Know that those are lies. Jesus took time away by himself. Why can't you? He needed to recharge and reconnect with the Father. So do you. Don't believe the lies. Reject them. Do what you need to be able to serve as God is calling you to serve in this moment.

Love your neighbor as yourself. Love your neighbor – and love yourself. That's what Jesus said, so it must be okay. Take care!

Questions for prayer:

1. How good are you at self-care? What can you do to take better care?

2. Which area gets the best care – body, mind, or soul – and why?

3. When your life gets crazy, which area gets neglected first?