Colleen Orchanian

My Bad! That's what you say when you have messed up. You knock over someone's drink. "My bad!" You blame someone for a mistake and find that it was your own fault. "My bad!" It's a common way of acknowledging our faults, of taking the blame for something we did, of owning our mistakes. And it is said without any judgment about our identity. No self-condemnation. Just a simple statement that we were wrong.

Repentance is a little like that, in that we acknowledge our fault or sin, but there's more. We don't just say, "My bad" (although we say that). We also say, "I don't want to do that again. I want to be different."

Repentance is a turning away from sin and toward God, involving both sorrow for the sin and a commitment to change. According to CatholicCulture.org, it is "voluntary sorrow because it offends God, for having done something wrong, together with the resolve to amend one's conduct by taking the necessary means to avoid the occasion of sin."

Maybe you are thinking, "I'm a good person. I repented, and now I'm set." I was there once. I had returned to the Catholic Church after 20 years away. I made a good confession of my sins. My soul was clean. I knew I wasn't going to do those things again. The big sins of the past were finished. I wasn't perfect, but I was feeling pretty good about myself. That attitude lasted a few years. It took me a while to learn that I was still a sinner. I just chose different sins, and they felt less sinful because they were no big deal, or so I thought.

My mindset started to change when I read the saints.

Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 1:15: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. And I am the foremost of sinners.

St. Louis de Monfort: "Poor men and women who are sinners, I am a greater sinner than you."

St. Francis de Sales: "I am but a corrupt being, a very sink of ingratitude and wickedness." They did not say these things before their conversion but after. If the Apostle Paul, St. Louis de Monfort, and St. Francis de Sales knew themselves as sinners when we all know they were saints, where does that leave me? Maybe I, too, am still a sinner. In fact, the sins I commit now are even greater than the earlier ones because I know more, and I am closer to God. Once you get rid of the big stuff, the little things come into the light.

God loves great sinners. Jesus ate with tax collectors and prostitutes. They gave up that life of grave sin and followed Jesus, continually growing in holiness. They weren't done with that first conversion of heart. Neither are we.

Repentance is an important weapon in our spiritual arsenal because it draws us closer to God, and we cannot fight the devil without God. Every sin, every fault, every omission is a choosing of something other than God. It leads us away from God. If God is the source of my strength in the spiritual battle, I need to do everything in my power to remain in Him.

If you still have serious sin, grave sin, that is a regular part of your life (intimacy outside of marriage, excessive drinking, dishonesty in business or relationships, etc.), that's where you start. Grave sin separates us from God. It takes that weapon of repentance out of our spiritual arsenal. It allows the devil an entry into our minds and hearts. Pray for the grace to stop.

If you have already cleared out those demons from your heart, you aren't done. The sins are more subtle, and it takes prayer and self-knowledge to identify them. Most of us have selfish tendencies. Our ego gets in the way of charitable thoughts and actions. Our desire for comfort leads us to ignore the needs of others. We waste time on entertainment that contradicts or mocks God's law. We pursue relationships that hinder our spiritual growth and lead us to gossip. We have habits that damage rather than encourage our faith.

Someone I love went into drug rehab and learned that if they want to stay sober, they need to change the people, places, and things in their life that tempt them to use. The same is true for us. If I tend to complain and gossip with a person, I may have to stop spending time with that person because I'm not strong enough to fight the temptation to gossip. Once I am stronger, I can resume the friendship, but until then, I have to stay away because my love for God is greater than my love for the relationship.

We have to grow in self-knowledge. How do I define sin? Is it a convenient definition that excuses my faults? What are my occasions of sin? What are my sinful tendencies? What is the root cause of these tendencies? These tendencies are stifling my spiritual growth and my ability to resist the enemy, and that's why I need to know myself.

Recently, I had several situations when I didn't handle things as I would have liked. All of them happened within two weeks. I was very down on myself, frustrated with my imperfections. I've been walking with God for a long time now. Why am I still selfish? Why am I impatient? Why do I speak when I should keep silent? I should be better than this.

That's a spiritual attack – when you beat yourself up for your faults. That is not from God. Instead, we want to take this into prayer and ask God to show us our root sin. What is the common denominator in all of these failures of mine? If I can identify that, I have a chance for spiritual growth. If not, I'll just white-knuckle it in the future, relying on my own strength. And if I succeed, which is unlikely, I will have even more pride because I did it myself.

It's easy to say and believe, "Of course, I am a sinner. We are all sinners." That alone isn't repentance. It is just a statement of fact. Repenting includes both identifying the fault or sin and a firm amendment to change. Do you have both? Does your heart break for your sins and faults? Do you understand the offense against God? Do you recognize that it was your failure, not caused by another?

True repentance is an acceptance of the blame—all of it. My fault. My fault. My most grievous fault, as we say at Mass. When we live like we believe the triple confession, we have a powerful weapon in our arsenal.

Repentance is powerful because, through self-knowledge and contrition, we turn back to God. We ask for His mercy. We recognize the offense given to Him, above all others. Because of our love for Him, we want to be holy. If we are not united to Christ, we cannot withstand the snares of the devil. When he accuses us of confessed sins, we can ignore him because those sins are forgiven. When he tries to label us by our sins, we can be reminded that we are beloved children of God, even in our sins. God died to save sinners, even us.

Repent and believe in the Gospel. Repent, for the Kingdom of heaven is at hand. Repent and turn back. Repent and receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Repent so you can fight the good fight.

Questions for prayer:

1. When have you had a powerful experience of repentance? How did God work through that repentance?

2. What is one fault or sinful habit that is blocking your spiritual growth? How will you repent of that fault?