Colleen Orchanian

(Spiritual Warfare Part 4)

The last two posts were about spiritual attacks related to distortions. We have a distorted image of God and a distorted image of ourselves. Today's episode is another distortion—our distorted image of other people. Whenever we have a distorted image, it's a spiritual attack. Because if we were to see others as they are—as God sees them  — this attack would not work.

How do we get a distorted image of others? Interpersonal conflict. Miscommunication. Misinterpreting someone's words. Missed expectations. It happens all the time. Relationships are hard. People are unpredictable. They don't behave like we do. They are imperfect, and that messes with our plans.

Even though other people may be difficult, God made us for community, for family. He knew that it was not good for man to be alone. We are supposed to help others get to Heaven—and they are supposed to help us do the same. Satan uses the natural challenges between people as a spiritual battlefield. His goal is to create distance between us and those who can draw us closer to God, or draw us closer to those who can keep us distant from God. Either way is good for him.

Relationship attacks are very common. We have a trigger, which leads to thoughts and emotions, which result in some kind of response. When we are unaware of the spiritual attack, our response can damage the relationship. If we recognize that we are under attack, we can have a more positive response.

For example, a friend doesn't greet you at church. You saw them and thought they saw you, but they didn't say hello. (That's the trigger.) You might feel embarrassed and then annoyed, maybe even angry. Or you wonder if they are mad at you for something. (The emotions and thoughts.) Now you want to avoid them either out of anger or hurt. (The response.) The devil wants you to believe your friend is wrong, or that you messed up. Either way, you have a rift in the relationship.

Here are some thoughts that can be spiritual attacks:

• Condemn. We judge the state of another person's soul. You can't call yourself a Christian if you support that person or that policy.

• Accuse. The devil is also called the accuser. This is all their fault. I did nothing wrong.

• Mind-reading. Believing that we know what motivates another person. Years ago, I did something that bothered my husband and he said, You did that deliberately to tick me off! My smart-alec response was, Yes. I stay up late every night just trying to think of ways to tick you off.

• Suspicion. This is a combination of unholy curiosity and mistrust. I wonder what they are hiding. They can't be trusted. That's not to say that everyone can be trusted, but sometimes the enemy uses this as an obstacle to what could be a good and holy friendship.

• Take offense. This thought is filled with pride. How dare they say that to me? Do they know who I am? Jesus was very clear about not thinking too much of ourselves. But Satan loves to put us on a pedestal.

• Make assumptions. We read into a situation what isn't there. They don't want to have lunch with me. They don't like me.

Thoughts and emotions lead to responses. If you believe the thoughts that are suggested by Satan, you might respond in a way that harms the relationship. For example:

• Gossip. Let me tell you what I heard. They aren't the person everyone thinks they are.

• Complain. They did/said that to me and I am innocent. You think I'm right, don't you? We seek allies who agree with our side of the story.

• End friendships. I don't want to be your friend if you think that way. This is common in our political culture today.

How can we fight back when our relationships are under attack? There are two types of responses. One is the immediate response—how do we get control of our thoughts in the moment? The other is a long-term response—how do we become stronger so that this particular attack is less effective in the future?

The immediate response.

As with all spiritual attacks, I have to recognize that I am triggered. If you are feeling rage, resentment, frustration, impatience, offense, hate, self-hate, guilt, jealousy, desperation, or suspicion, you are under attack. You have been triggered. Then you identify the lie that triggered the emotion. What am I believing that is not true or not completely true?

We can see this in 1 Samuel 26:12. King Saul has been chasing David to kill him. David comes across Saul and his men, who are in a deep sleep. One of David's men says God delivered Saul into your hands so you can kill him. But David says no. I won't kill the Lord's anointed one. David recognizes the lie that God wants him to kill Saul, and even though Saul is trying to kill him, he won't give in to the attack.

Most of us skip some of those steps and go from the trigger directly to the response. It is a shortcut, but not a good idea when you're under spiritual attack. Too often, the relationship suffers because we fall prey to the lies of the devil.

If we follow the steps, however, our response can be holy. We can have patience and understanding. We can offer an olive branch to an enemy. That's what David did. He took Saul's water jug and spear and went a distance away. Then he called out to Saul and said, I've got your spear and water jug. I could have killed you, but I didn't. I am not your enemy. David won that battle.

When we recognize that we are under attack and identify the lie, we have to replace it with the truth. The truth about other people might be: They are overwhelmed. They are in pain. They are Jesus. They are my brother or sister in the Lord. This isn't like them, there must be something else going on. God is trying to teach me something here. Find the truth and keep repeating it.

Long-term response.

It's good to have an immediate response to a spiritual attack, and important to consider a long-term response as well. If I am triggered by something, it could be because I have a hidden wound that's being opened. If that wound is not addressed, I will keep getting attacked in this way. Some things bother me but don't bother my husband, and vice versa. Why? It's the same words. It's the same event. But only one of us is triggered.

My goal is to have fewer triggers, which means I have to know what's causing the reaction. What in ME is the problem? That takes healing work and prayer. Don't be afraid to go there. God is the Divine Physician who wants to heal our wounds and make us saints. The long-term response is to become stronger through healing.

We can overcome this spiritual attack on our relationships by growing in virtue, especially the virtues of charity, patience, and humility. 1 Corinthians 14:1 says Make love your aim. Can you be like David and extend an olive branch to your enemy? Can you humbly receive the blows of the broken people around you? Can you bear wrongs patiently? Yes, you can. If not today, you can as you grow closer to God. You have the tools to win this battle!

Questions for prayer:

• How have you been attacked through your personal relationships? Are there any types of attacks that are no longer effective with you?

• How is Satan attacking your relationships today? Why is this working?