Colleen Orchanian

Six-year-old Noah loves sword fighting. He has no idea of the rules. He just likes to bang swords together. He shouts En garde! and then we begin. Sometimes he has a shield as extra protection. He loves a good fight.

I, too, have a shield and sword and sometimes love a good fight. Other times I don't want to fight but I'm drawn into it by someone else. They say or do something that provokes me and I respond. They don't have to intend to provoke me to get my back up and engage in the fight. I imagine them saying, En Garde! and I'm ready to respond.

I looked up synonyms for en garde and here's what I found: avoid, block, deflect, evade, prevent, repel, resist.

Everyone has a shield and sword, even those without faith. When we feel attacked, we raise our shield to protect ourselves. And sometimes we jab with our sword to attack back. Imagine Wonder Woman, who uses her shield to block the bullets and her sword to attack those threatening her and others.

We are like Wonder Woman. Sometimes we use the shield and sometimes the sword. The shield is a defense weapon. It blocks an attack from injuring the body. We all have experiences that create a defensive response. I get defensive when I mess up. It's my fault and I look for ways to explain myself so I don't look so bad. I get defensive when I am unjustly accused. I get defensive when I am misunderstood – when my intention is not clearly conveyed. I get defensive when my husband is a back-seat driver and panic screams periodically. I get defensive when I'm tired.

My first reaction in those situations is to raise my shield and protect. Protect what? My ego. My reputation. What others think of me. Isn't that interesting? I want to defend ME. But if I have been misunderstood, shouldn't I want to defend the relationship rather than me?

What might it look like/sound like when I raise my shield?

• I refuse to listen. Fingers in my ears chanting lalalalala. This is ineffective. There is no growth when I can't hear criticism. There is no healing of a relationship when one side is deaf to the words of the other. Scripture tells us about those who hear but don't understand. The Pharisees often heard Jesus speak, and sometimes he was quite critical of them. Yet they refused to listen. They raised their shields so as not to hear the truth.

• I deny. I hear what you're saying but you're wrong. I don't want a conversation about it. Peter denied knowing Jesus three times. He was defending himself from what he thought to be physical harm.

• I disengage, take my shield, and go home. I don't want to fight. I protect myself by leaving. It's what the apostles did in the Garden of Gethsemane when they deserted Jesus. Only John returned to be with him at the cross.

• I attack. This is where the sword comes in. I'll raise my sword and jab at you, aiming for the heart or wherever I can reach. Peter did this in the Garden of Gethsemane. When Jesus is being arrested, Peter takes out his sword and cuts off the ear of one of the soldiers.

All of these reactions are normal and understandable. We learn to defend ourselves from childhood. Sometimes our defensive reactions work well for us, but most times not so much.

As Christians, we are called to a better way. We are called to respond to attacks with love, putting on the armor of God.

I have to drop the shield protecting my ego and pick up the shield of God. Psalm 3:3 says, You O Lord are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. When I hold my ego shield, I crouch down. God's shield makes me stronger, and more confident. Even if I mess up, I lift my head because of God's love for me. I can acknowledge my mistakes without letting them define my identity. That's why I keep my head up.

Another part of God's armor is the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. When I use my own sword, I attack to hurt the other. I lash out as a counterattack. I tell the back-seat driver that he is a much worse driver than I am. When I am accused, I accuse right back. I list off all their mistakes. My sword does damage.

Sometimes I have to put down my sword and pick up God's Word – speaking truth with love. This is hard. I think I need to protect myself from an enemy. The problem is that I don't recognize the real enemy. It's not the one who criticizes me. When I lash out at another person, I act as if they are my enemy. They are not. The real enemy is Satan. He wants to destroy relationships – marriages, families, friendships, parishes.

So what is the solution? I need to drop my ego-preserving shield and sword. To do that I need healing. I need to let go of the false identity that leads me to react defensively and accept my true identity given by Jesus – a beloved child of God. When I believe in my true identity, I can rely on God's shield and sword, not my own. I can see the true enemy, and love the person in front of me.

Here are three suggestions that may help you put down your ego sword and shield:

1. Notice when you raise your shield and draw your sword. There is a feeling you will have in your body that isn't peace. Become aware of when that's happening.

2. Be curious about why you are feeling the need for self-protection. Is this residue from your past? Is it because of the history of a particular relationship? When you are curious about this, you aren't trying to find fault or defend, only understand. Look at yourself as an objective outside observer.

3. Bring love into the situation. Pray for the grace to see the other with the eyes of God. Where are they hurting? What are they afraid of? How can you love them rather than attack them?

Just because someone says, En garde! doesn't mean we have to fight. But when we do, may we always fight with the armor of God. And may we always fight the true enemy – the accuser, the liar, Satan. Through the power of God, we will prevail and won't need our pitiful sword and shield, but will triumph with the powerful armor of God.

Questions for prayer:

1. What triggers you to take up your personal shield and sword?

2. How can you drop your personal shield and sword and love others better?