Colleen Orchanian

I grew up in a large family with 11 kids. Our house was usually a mess. It didn't matter which room you were in; it was cluttered and disorganized. Every room but one. Kathy's room was the exception. My room was a disaster. Clothes on the floor – both clean and dirty – papers, books, shoes. I was a slob. But Kathy, who had the smallest room, kept it spotless. Uncluttered. Organized. Everything in its place. Perfectly ordered.

Many decades later, Kathy is still the one with the most orderly home. I am not as much of a slob as I was as a teenager, but there are pockets in my home that are very disordered. As a matter of fact, one of my Lenten practices is to get things ordered in my home. One small space at a time.

Why do we want order? And why is disorder a problem? Dr. Jordan Peterson said, "We have a proclivity for order." That means a tendency or inclination. We want order.

When things are in order, I have more peace. When there is disorder or chaos, it creates stress, and sometimes guilt when I think I have failed because it isn't perfectly organized.

So this Lent, one of my goals is to have less disorder in my life. And even though I am focused on the disorder of my living space, I realize that I have disorder in my spiritual life as well. Maybe by being more disciplined in my home, I can be more disciplined in my soul. I think this is where the Holy Spirit is leading me.

I have a long list of things I want to get in order around the house. But what about my list of "soul disorders."

The Church often talks about order and disorder. When something is ordered, it is directed to its proper end, to the purpose that God intended. It points to the true, the good, and the beautiful. It aligns with natural law.

The place we most often hear the word "disordered" is in relation to sexual morality. The Church describes homosexual acts as intrinsically disordered. Sexual relations outside of a marriage between one man and one woman is disordered. That means it's not as God intended it to be. God's way is the proper order. Our way is not.

That kind of disorder is not a problem for me, at least not at this point in my life. And I am very thankful for that. If I want to feel really good about myself, I'll stop right here and say my soul life is well ordered. But that would be a lie. It's easy to congratulate myself on the sins I'm not tempted to commit, but that will not help me become a saint. And that's what I'm called to be. So… where is the disorder in my soul life? Unfortunately, I have plenty.

I have a disordered use of my time. This is something I'm working on. I've given up social media and games for Lent because they waste time. And I'm replacing that time with activities that draw me closer to God.

Disordered eating. I am lucky to have a good metabolism, so I haven't had to watch my diet much. But I tend to snack on junk food, so I gave that up for Lent. Others might struggle with gluttony, eating foods that are unhealthy given their medical condition, or relying too much on processed foods that harm our bodies. Disordered eating can be a problem, and fasting during Lent is one way to develop willpower in our diets.

Disordered attachments. We can chase after money, fame, material things that don't matter. Money isn't bad. It can be a source of great good. It takes money to build a beautiful cathedral, but that is well spent because it gives glory to God. But if I build an extravagant house to impress others, my house becomes a disordered attachment. Is there some THING you cannot live without? That is a disordered attachment.

Disordered relationships. A disordered relationship is one that pulls you away from God. It isn't necessarily a bad relationship, because people can suffer in a difficult marriage and become more dependent on God because of it. Rather, it might be a relationship in which you become too dependent on the other person, expecting them to fill your every need. Nobody can do that but God, and when we expect it of another, whether a spouse or a child or a parent, it is unhealthy. It is disordered.

Disordered image of God. When we don't know God as a good Father, as the all-powerful ruler of the Universe, as the only one deserving of our worship, we have a disordered image. CS Lewis described Aslan, the Christ figure in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe as "not safe, but he is good." He is a blend of terrifying power and intense love. When one of these is missing, we have a disordered image of God and we need to fix it.

Disordered image of myself. Knowing who we are in the eyes of God transforms us. It changes everything. But so many have a disordered self-image because of the wounds of their past. It's like when we see the best in our children, and they only see their mistakes. They can't see the good. God desires us to know that He created us perfectly and loves us unconditionally.

Where do all these disorders come from? That's easy. The devil. The deceiver. He wants disorder and chaos. He began in the Garden of Eden with a disordered image of God. "Did God really say that? You will surely not die." And so Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, and disorder entered the world.

Here's something really important about the word disorder, because it can be a trigger word for some. There are many ways in which we are disordered and many disordered acts. But there are no disordered people. Actions can be disordered, but not people. We can easily judge others for their disordered acts, but that's not right. And it is not right to do that to ourselves—to think that we are disordered because we have disordered behaviors. That, too, comes from the devil. Either to make us think we are better than others, or to make us think we are unredeemable. Both are lies.

So what can we do with this? This disorder? What I have done is to try to tackle the disordered acts in my life so that I can be more aligned with God's will, God's way, and God's law. I want my life to be directed to its proper end, which is eternal life in Heaven with the Father, with Jesus, and with the Holy Spirit. As I pursue greater order, I will grow in holiness. I want to be a saint.

And I want my house to be a bit more orderly and less chaotic. So I'm tackling both this Lent. By God's grace, may my soul be as ordered as my sister Kathy's house!

Questions for prayer:

1. In what way is your life ordered to God's perfect will, the true, the good, and the beautiful?

2. What disorders do you struggle with? How are those disorders affecting your spiritual life? Your relationship with God?