Colleen Orchanian

Today's spiritual attack is about addiction, but not on the person with the addiction. Those who love the addict face as much spiritual attack as the addict does. Hence the title—Addicted to Love.

First, a few words about the addict: the addiction itself is a spiritual attack. The individual cannot withstand temptation. Their self-image is destroyed, and they believe they do not deserve love. God has let them down because He has not healed them of their addiction. They destroy most of the relationships in their lives. An addict is easy prey for the devil. They have become enslaved.

The family of the addict is also easy prey, although in different ways. First, let's remember Satan's goals in a spiritual attack.

1. 1. Damage our self-image as a beloved child of God.

2. Distort our image of God as a good Father we can trust.

3. Destroy relationships, especially marriage and family relationships.

If you have had a family member who struggles with addiction, you may recognize some of these effects in your life. If your child is an addict, you wonder: What did I do wrong? I must be a terrible parent. Why is God silent? Why won't He fix this? What is wrong with my child? They have always been trouble and will never change. It's hopeless.

Those are some emotions and thoughts suggested to you by the enemy. They are not from God.

Given that as our starting point—the goal of distorting our image of self, God, and other—here are some ways they are manifested in a spiritual attack:

Guilt: This is all my fault. We feel responsible for their addiction because we are imperfect. Guilt allows us to be manipulated by the addict. We want to make up for whatever harm we may have caused, which can actually feed the addiction. Our self-image is damaged because of the guilt. Yet it is possible to acknowledge our imperfection while remaining confident in God's love for us.

Blame: It's my ex's fault. It's those bad friends of his. Blame creates anger, resentment, and hate, and it's fruitless because who's to blame is irrelevant. It is also an obstacle to forgiveness, and the devil doesn't want us to forgive. Jesus had every right to blame those who crucified Him (which would be us), but he forgave them.

Fear: Are they dead or alive? What if they are murdered? What if they are arrested? We worry about their safety because of the dangerous life they live. We fear what is unknown, and we can't control it. The enemy wants us to live in fear. God tells us to fear not. He is in control.

Grief: Even if the addict does not die, we can grieve our dreams that have died because of their addiction. We grieve who they could have been and dwell on those broken dreams. Satan wants us to cling to those lost dreams. We live in sorrow, not in the joy and hope of Christians.

Despair: When our child has been to treatment centers multiple times and can't stay clean, we may give up. We have wasted tons of money for nothing. We stop praying for them. They are a lost cause. That's what the devil wants us to think, but God tells us to pray with perseverance. Never give up. God can do miracles, and sometimes that's what we need.

Shame: Having a spouse, parent or child who is an addict is embarrassing. We don't want anyone to know, and so we keep it a secret, always fearing that they will do something in public. Shame leads to isolation, which is Satan's plan. But God calls us to community. We need our brothers and sisters in faith to strengthen us when we are weak. We need them to pray for us.

Confusion: When dealing with addiction, it's hard to know what to do. Do we let them stay at the house if they say they are not using? Do we believe them when they say they need gas money? How much do we help, and when do we allow them to suffer with the consequences of their actions? What if they die? The stakes are high, and there are no easy answers. Satan confuses us so we can't see clearly what is best. We try to figure it out on our own, without seeking God's direction. God is the one who brings clarity.

Pain and Hurt: Addicts say and do terrible things. They lie. They betray. They steal. They threaten. They manipulate. They say hateful things that shock you and hurt you to the core. Some of what they say may hit a nerve because it touches a tender place in your heart from an earlier hurt. The goal is to break you. God, however, wants to help you heal. He is the divine healer for you and the addict.

Rejection: When you set boundaries with the addict, they will reject you because you have changed the rules. This is another spiritual attack to break your spirit and your resolve. You question whether it is the right thing to do. Jesus was rejected, too. He was innocent, too. Rejection hurts. Jesus understands that hurt.

Anger: It's normal to get angry at the addict for the trouble they are causing. You may even get angry at God for permitting it. Do you get angry at the devil for his part in this suffering? He is the first cause of all evil. That's not to say that we should ignore or suppress our anger. Jesus got angry at the money changers in the temple. Our anger is justified because addiction is bad. But we want to channel that anger in the right way. Be angry and do not sin (Ephesians 4:26).

Conflict: You may not agree with your spouse about how to handle the addicted child. This conflict is an attack on your marriage. If the devil can destroy a marriage through addiction, that's a big win. God wants to keep our marriages intact.

These are just some ways we are spiritually attacked when someone we love becomes an addict. And if we don't realize that part of the attack is spiritual, we limit how we address the problem. A holistic approach that includes spiritual warfare will be the most successful one.

There are groups available to help you understand addiction and counselors that can guide you through the emotions common to that challenge. Take advantage of those things, but remember the need for a spiritual response. You are under attack by powers and principalities. What can you do?

1. Discern the lies you hear about the situation, about yourself, about God, about the addict. And acknowledge the truth about the situation, yourself, God, and the addict. Try free writing for days or weeks. Each day, spend 15 minutes writing down all of your thoughts. During this time, you are simply writing what you hear and feel. There is no judgment or analysis. It is raw and vulnerable.

2. After writing for two weeks, look back and analyze your thoughts and actions. Consider these questions: How is the attack affecting you and your emotions? What are the lies? What is true? What is a half-truth? How have you fallen short of God's law during this time of writing (not beyond that time), if at all? You may need to have an objective outsider help with this step. A wise spiritual friend or Al-Anon member can sometimes give perspective.

3. When you identify the lies, renounce them and replace them with God's truth. For example, the lie might be: If only I had done this differently, they would not have gotten drunk. It's my fault. The truth: Each person is responsible for his own sins (Ezekiel 18:20).

4. If appropriate, go to Confession and go to Mass. We need sacramental grace to withstand the power of addiction.

Above all, persevere in prayer. Pray for the addict you love. Pray for the family members who are suffering because of the addiction. Pray for protection for those who are likely to be most affected by the addiction, especially children. Pray for yourself that you are prudent in managing the situation. Offer sacrifices and fast for them. Ask for the intercession of the saints (Patron saints of addiction include Our Lady of Guadalupe, St. Maximilian Kolbe, and St. Augustine).

Addiction is a scourge in our world. It destroys lives, breaks up marriages, harms children, and causes much heartache. It is a heavy cross to bear. But God is with us in our crosses. He is our Simon of Cyrene. We are never alone. When we approach addiction from a spiritual perspective, we can withstand the attack and grow stronger in our faith.

Questions for prayer:

1. How has addiction affected your spiritual life? Can you see the specific attacks of Satan?

2. If you are dealing with addiction today, what is one step you can take to fight the spiritual battle?