Colleen Orchanian

I told a friend that I was doing a retreat near her home and she suggested we meet afterwards. Then she asked – Do you think you'll be too tired? That would make sense. It takes energy to lead a retreat. When I was in the training business, I led corporate workshops and was usually exhausted at the end of the day. But when I finish a retreat at church, the opposite happens. I am energized. It takes a while for me to settle down afterward. It's not until much later that I feel spent.

I've been thinking about that word – Spent. Sometimes I get to the end of a day and feel exhausted. After going full-speed since early morning, I have nothing left. I fall into bed and sigh deeply, letting the busyness of the day go. It took all of my strength and I was spent.

As I reflected on this word – Spent – I remembered what Jesus said in Luke 10:27: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind. The "all your strength" part is the one that stands out for me. Do I love God with all my strength?

There are days when I have done that, but most days that's not the case. I have more to give but choose not to. I wonder if it is even healthy to be spent at the end of each day. I mean, how long can you spend yourself every single day? Wouldn't you get sick or burn out?

I don't know because I've never lived that way. But some people have. St. Jean Vianney spent 18 hours a day in the confessional. St. Theresa of Avila wrote about how she was called to do something and felt she had no strength, but God gave her more. He gave her what she needed. So it's possible to be spent each day.

That got me thinking about how I feel at the end of the day. What are the different ways that I might feel? I identified four:

1. Spent and satisfied. These are my best days. I have accomplished a lot. I have felt close to God. I have done His work. I got things off my to-do list. I fall into bed tired but joyful.

2. Spent and unsatisfied. On these days I'm still exhausted at the end of the day, but I don't feel good about it. Maybe I was running non-stop and didn't have time for prayer. Maybe my plans got changed and I didn't finish something I wanted to do. Maybe I never had a moment to breathe or rest. I could have felt pulled in a million directions, with everyone wanting a piece of me – and me running out of pieces. I don't like those days.

3. Not spent and unsatisfied. These are days when I know I could have done more but I didn't. I wasted a lot of time. When I was tired, I didn't rest to regain my energy. Instead, I did something mindless like scrolling on the phone or watching TV. I am never satisfied on days like these.

4. Not spent and satisfied. That should be how I feel on Sundays – the Lord's Day – a day of rest. Some people have trouble with rest, so may not have experienced this kind of day. But we need them. We need to be free to rest without guilt.

As I think about these four options, I can say that I don't have the desired experience at the end of most days – Spent and satisfied or Not spent and satisfied. But why? Why don't I feel that way often enough?

Sometimes it is because I don't use my time well. That always leaves me unsatisfied. I waste time when I'm tired and don't have the brain power to do something productive. I don't manage my tired time well. If I'm tired, I want to veg out – do something mindless. But that isn't helpful. I get more tired. A better choice is to take a short nap (or something else) to regain my energy.

Another excuse for not using my time well is when I have a short amount of time before the next item on my schedule. I tell myself that I only have 20 minutes. I'll just kill time while I wait. I realize that's not a big deal – it's only 20 minutes – but I could have done something quick. I have items on my to-do list that will take less than 20 minutes. I could do one of those. Or I could pray. Anything that would have a positive effect.

I researched how people in religious communities spend their days, thinking that might give me some insight. They have a structured schedule to help them live for God each day. That schedule includes time for prayer – both individual and community, worship – including Mass, Adoration, and Intercessory Prayer, Work or Ministry, Spiritual Reading, Community Time – including meals and social activities, and Free Time – alone time.

I'm not in a religious community, so their schedule won't work for me, but I can learn from it to ensure that I have the right elements in my days. Prayer and worship are the foundations. I can't always attend daily Mass, but when I do, I am blessed. I always have work or service – either at home or church. (This is an area that I don't control well. Sometimes I have too much going on.) So prayer, worship, and work are the primary focus of my days. My alone time, community time, and spiritual reading tend to be forgotten.

Maybe the challenge I have in being spent and satisfied is in planning time in those three areas: alone time, community time, and spiritual reading. I am busy doing, which makes me less focused on being. Being with God. Being present to others. Being drawn deeper into relationship with God. When that's lacking, I should be unsatisfied. I want to be spent – and satisfied.

For me, the question to ask at the beginning of each day is this: How do you want me to spend myself today, Lord? And even in a given moment – What would you like me to do right now, Lord? Too often I instead ask the question, what do I feel like doing right now?

What would it look like to love the Lord my God with all my strength?

• I would ask God all the time what He wants me to do in the moment.

• I would serve others who are put in my life – beginning with those closest to me – my family.

• I would rest when my body was tired in such a way that I was recharged afterward.

• I would offer up the unpleasant tasks and unexpected bumps in the road so they would not be wasted.

• I would have set times to pray during the day so that I knew God's will and kept connected to Him as a branch is to the vine.

It's not about burning the candle at both ends. It's about using our time in the way God wants. When we do that, we will be spent and satisfied. Even more, we will be delighted, energized, and grateful for the opportunities to serve God with our entire heart, mind, soul, and strength.

So go spend yourself for God. It feels great!

Questions for prayer:

1. What happens on those days when you are spent and satisfied? How can you have more of those days?

2. What causes the "unsatisfied" days in your life? Is there something you can change?

3. How comfortable are you with the idea of rest – having a day when you are not spent but satisfied? Is that even possible?